The Night I Beat Bogdan Dico

Bogdan Dico’s icon looked at me like an ATM machine, the bald head gleaming.Bald man with finger on lipsI was lucky and won a big hand. Everybody was surprised by that, except Bogdan. He knew that I would make a wrong move. I rested on my laurels and got distracted by drink and then the people walking past. IMAG4343And then I saw that Bogdan had taken two players out. There were only two of us left. I had an Ace-Eight, and the River produced a matching Ace. Bogdan beat me on that hand. He eliminated the other player and had 80% of the chips.

And then I took Bogdan Dico down. I had the cards, and he never believed it. It ended with a straight. We were both stunned by that. I stared at that glorious little Nine of Clubs until the screen changed for the next game. dragonplay holdem

My Three Worst Business Experiences of 2014

I informed each of the following businesses that, as a blogger, I owed it to my readers to know how poorly they had conducted their business with me. I hope you are either equally outraged or perhaps amused.

My inaugural Worst Business Experiences of 2014:

lotus-blue-bar-restaurant3. Lotus Blue: Food poisoning from this Tribeca restaurant resulted in an offer of a free entree (valued at $20) as compensation. I declined, telling them I did not want to go through the experience again.

 

pimsleur2. Pimsleur: Purchase of “Simple and Quick” Language Learning CD (for $9.95) secretly enrolls customer into the Gold Program which costs $150 plus shipping. I had to make two phone calls and send three emails, including the following, to cancel: Nowhere in your promotion for the “Simple and Quick” CD does it say that one is automatically enrolled in the Gold Program. It is criminal that you force customers into this nonsense. The fact that you will not process cancellations through email is not for my protection but so that you can drag this matter out and hopefully get more money out of me. I will call and tell your customer service people exactly that. Hopefully they don’t try to manipulate me as you are doing.

 

Unknown1. Fedex: Accepted payment of $200 for a shipment of nine pounds of smoked salmon (valued at $400-600), failed to deliver package, allowing the salmon to rot, and then refused to pay any damages nor refund the shipping fee. (My new slogan goes like this: Whatever you do, don’t do it with Fedex.)

This Racism Thing

I’ve seen too many polls as of late regarding this racism thing in the United States. 080804racism1_h5fv8d4-1More than anything, I am confounded by the manner in which the ‘information’ is delivered, newscasters frowning as they read, “Black people don’t trust authority and white people can’t understand why that is.” racismIt’s like the damn gun issue – everyone talking and no one listening.

Here’s my dime: It’s going to take a long time yet for this society to recover from the abomination that was slavery.barclays+protestersAnd for any positive changes to occur, whites need to be a hell of a lot more understanding, accommodating and trusting toward blacks. (Exclamation point.)

How People Search To Here

WordPress provides me with the search engine terms people use to find my site. Some of the phrases are less predictable:

confidential

hundred dollar bills

animals made of shells20140719_131706

redi whip cartoon

bansky bubble letter nyc

blue film screenshot

bouncing on each other20140204_184943Other terms are a little more predictable:

voyeur

voyeur at water park girls

jill janus bad

hot girl selfie selfie-selfie-beautiful-girl-1382219169phone sex

nadine velaquez sex scene

nymphomaniac real sex scene

Screenshot (352)titanic orgy

furries sexogling-o

Writing Tip #3.14: Dialogue must avoid debate

Fedex: How can I help you?

McPhed: I have a complaint.

Fedex: Do you have a tracking number?

McPhed: 8049 2194 2550

Fedex: 8149–

McPhed: (Tersely) 8049 2194 2550

Fedex: Okay, yes. (Pause) What can I do for you, sir?

McPhed: Do you see the record of the account?

Fedex: Yes, sir.

McPhed: You see that package was returned to the sender and that the contents of the package were spoiled?

Fedex: I apologize for the inconvenience.

McPhed: I don’t want an apology.

Fedex: I’m sorry to hear that.

McPhed: What are you going to do about this?

Fedex: You’ve filed a complaint.

McPhed: I’ve filed three complaints.

Fedex: I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

McPhed: Stop apologizing.

Long pause.

McPhed: I’d like to speak with a manager.

Fedex: One moment, sir.

Music plays. Phone clicks. Phone goes dead. McPhedran calls back.

Fedex: How can I help you?

McPhed: I would like to speak your manager.

Fedex: Can I assist you, sir?

McPhed: You hung up on me. I want to speak with your manager.

Fedex: I apologize for any inconvenience.

Long pause.

McPhed: Hello?

Fedex: Yes, sir?

McPhed: I would like to speak your manager.

Fedex: I need a tracking number, sir.

McPhed: Do you have any idea how many times I’ve called Fedex?

Fedex: I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

McPhed: Is that all you people know how to do? Apologize?

Fedex: I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

McPhed: I would like to talk your manager.

Fedex: One moment.

Music plays. Phone clicks. Phone goes dead. McPhedran calls back.

Fedex: How can I help you?

McPhed: You’ve hung up on me twice now.

Fedex: I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

McPhedran replies with a series of expletives. Long Pause.

McPhed: Is there anyone who will address my concern?

Fedex: What is the problem, sir?

McPhed: You were supposed to deliver a package. You failed to do that and the contents of the package were ruined.

Fedex: I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir.

McPhed: Forget the apologies. It’s a business. That’s why I am calling you. You failed to do what you said you would do.

Fedex: We cannot give you any financial compensation, sir.

McPhed: You let nine pounds of smoked salmon rot in your warehouse. That’s your responsibility.

Fedex: We do not assume liability for the contents of the package.

McPhed: What do you assume liability for?

Fedex: We cannot give you any financial compensation, sir. I’m sorry.

McPhed: How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing?

Fedex: Okay, I won’t do that again. (Pause) Is there anything else?

McPhed: What else could there possibly be?

Long Pause. McPhedran hangs up.

I Will Be Content After This Drink

I just need this drink to be content. 20140828_160719Just that, the refreshment, the alcohol in my blood at the right percentage. 20140917_183324Ah, yes…there! I am content, genuinely and truly so.

It’s nice to feel like this, to have everything set, the holidays approaching, the weather cool and crisp, all emails answered, assignments managed, my work going fine. Screenshot (1014)My Bad Side will be published one day, The Ark is finally coming together, and the first draft of Glenayr is almost there. Friends and family are healthy – Micaela happy and More Art prospering – and the Leafs are actually winning.Screenshot (406)

Yes, everything is all right…although, now that I think about it, the Leafs could be more consistent, especially in the defensive end.

20140323_201436And, well, my brother won’t talk to me, and More Art could use more grant money.  Glenayr lacks a clear antagonist, and, to be honest, The Ark will be impossible to finish. images-4An email from Fedex? Claim rejected? Damn it, I forgot to call my doctor, and I have to set up the website for next week. Yeah, and it’s going to snow.

blizz1What? And the bar is closed? 20140404_221149No, that’s not good.

The Last Word…Goddamn It!

I hear what you’re saying. I do. I honestly understand. But here’s the thing. You need to listen to me. Just listen. And don’t say anything back. Okay? Are you listening? Good. 20140917_212603The first thing is that I appreciate you trying to reach out, but you need to respect my personal space. And spare me the guise of thanking me for making the effort. It just doesn’t ring true. I am not interested in a phony relationship without attempting to solve our real problems. The Hipster and the OrthodoxIt is my belief that you and I can’t solve our issues alone. It isn’t a matter of perception; it’s just straight-forward reasoning. It’s too painful to interact with you in a deep way. You cause me nothing but pain.IMAG3654You said it yourself. You don’t trust me and therefore cannot open up. And so, by your own admission, your suggestion is doomed to failure, right? 20141010_185040And if you don’t like what I have to say, don’t ever call or email me again! Don’t worry, I won’t contact you first.