My Life in Words

“You can put anything into words, except your own life. It is this impossibility that condemns us to remain as our companions see and mirror us, those who claim to know me, those who call themselves my friends, and never allow me to change, and discredits every miracle (which I cannot put into words, the inexpressible, which I cannot prove) simply so they can say, ‘I know you.'” From Max Frisch’s I’m Not Stiller

Writing in Fear

Anton Chekov said, “Formerly, when I didn’t know that they read my tales and passed judgement on them, I wrote serenely, just the way I eat bilini; now I’m afraid when I write.” bilini_tarifi_1416476542_1953The fear is not only in craft but also content. My fear is of being attacked from behind, most strongly at a drinking fountain, my teeth smashed into the metal. amatos122_1402071467_runnerWhat are my worst moments, my very worst – denying my mother, stealing, hateful, violence, vice upon vice – and what would these crimes look like together, my reel of pettiness and sin? 20150131_110613And would any of these moments make a good story?

The Best Thing About Encarnancion’s Home Run

The best thing about Toronto Blue Jay Edwin Encarnancion’s home run against the Miami Marlins on June 9th wasn’t the swing. Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 9.03.52 AMIt wasn’t the look. Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 9.01.21 AMIt wasn’t the trot. Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 9.00.17 AMIt wasn’t the celebration at home plate of the walk-off winScreen Shot 2015-06-10 at 9.17.33 AMIt wasn’t even the high five with BJ Birdie. Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 8.58.54 AMIt was the moment when this Sportsnet reporter got shrugged off.Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 8.58.31 AMOh, the desperation! The indignation!Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 8.57.41 AM 1“Edwin?! Edwin, please!!”Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 12.56.00 PM

Pat Toasts, Rambles and Flees

The meeting was supposed to end with a brief toast to Caroline’s pregnancy, but then Pat abruptly stood. “Congrats to all the new parents and those who will soon be!”
As irritating and odd as he was, we were compelled to listen, especially given the knowledge that Pat had recently been charged with obscene behavior. fritz-the-cat“Not nearly as major as the great news of healthy newborns and their loving new parents, I  must report to say when I left my flat this morning I almost tripped over something. Yes, it would not be the first incident of injury for me this year!” He paused, seemingly for effect, and his gapped teeth made a sudden and startling appearance. “It was my wallet! All money was in it, just under $100. All cards were in it; unfortunately, I cancelled all my cards, but no one used any, so that is good. I also got a new driver’s license.”
Kiara leaned into Caroline; neither could suppress a laugh.
“Nevertheless!” He tried to laugh too, but it came out more as a wheeze. tumblr_l9j5ucgDgF1qzzh6g“Nevertheless, whoever the person is, I am thankful that the person, who may have had some moral issues to battle, must have heard an inner voice saying, to borrow a film’s title, Do the Right Thing – it may have taken a while, but the better part of him/her answered a tiny prayer I silently said in my head.” Pat was forgetting to breathe and struggled with the last few words. “Wording may be awkward, but fear not–I don’t have too many voices shared in my head–I couldn’t resist a chance to offer a line like that!” He opened his bottle of green tea and drank ferociously.
Caroline stood; we all did. It seemed that the police might arrive any moment.

 “Whoever and wherever that person is,” Pat continued. “I thank him/her. My faith in humanity wavers at times, but I am ever the optimist inside. I do not plan on changing that characteristic.” UnknownThe door opened, not the police, but Phyliss, the secretary, phone in hand. “Oh, yes, Mr. Bates? You’re wanted outside.”

Pat continued on. “I also want to say I thank everyone here.  Everyone here has made this onetime outsider feel as if he is part of a large, caring family. This is how we work if you are patient and give it a chance. May it always stay that wonderful way. Thank you all. Cheers!” originalHe darted past Phyllis and down the hallway toward the back exit.

Dead Teddy Bears

I am occasionally compelled to photograph dead animals, due to my downbeat aesthetic. 20140112_102044I have recently found a more striking subject: abandoned teddy bears.bushwick5

The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today

Watch them, catch them unawares

bushwick6Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic*

(From “Teddy Bear Picnic” by Jimmy Kennedy)

Unreal: No Faith in The Bachelor’s Process

Unreal, Lifetime Network‘s new fictional reality show based on The Bachelor, has it all wrong. unreal-tv-showTheir aim is to offer a behind-the-scenes scoop on how reality shows really work, heaping blame on soulless producers and production assistants who feast on guileless participants. unreal3And I’m not buying any of it.

Not only is Unreal‘s narrative dull, actually triter than the real thing, but it is founded on the inane premise that there is a star chamber in Reality chamberWhile the show purports to be yet another phase in the modern world’s self-deconstruction, it is merely a naive sidetrack.

The point of The Bachelor isn’t making a deal with the devil but rather sharing in everyone’s common stupidity. tierra1The contestants actually do want to find love and are willing to expose themselves, and all their frailties, in blind faith to “the process” espoused on the show. 120419063018-bachelor-jake-pavelka-cast-story-topThat’s the beauty of this train wreck…and our pathetic desire to watch.