“my bad side”: Another Scene Dies Its Little Death

I thought this was a good scene because the character, Tony was clear – his mannerisms and irritating tone – the dialogue moved, and Dee showed who she was…and then I realized that none of it helped the story. Therefore it is dead.5/365 (The Crumpled Paper)I don’t do camping.”  Tony cornered me. “Ever been to Fenwick?”

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s in the city.” He was lean and cocked his head in sickening confidence. “Big money thing. Fenwick.”

“You’re from New York?”

img_5

“It’s jacket and tie. I wasn’t into it, but it’s this big money thing, right?” He picked at his beer can tab, nodding to himself. “Augustine’s not like that.”

“It’s not a big money thing.”ebc8bd3f_modulescopperminealbumsuserpics270043moneycake“You know Marky? He graduated Augustine last year. He lives in Chelsea.”

“New York?”

He tried to put his arm over my shoulder but I ducked away. “We did a bit of pre-game and then we’re driving through Chelsea. Marky likes to drive fast, right? He makes this turn and then another. He thinks this car is following us. And he wants to lose it. He was crazy like that.”

“Why were you driving? It’s New York.”

“Marky’s got this beautiful Beamer, man. Series Three, right?” imagesHe put his hand stupidly on my arm again, like he was hanging onto a subway pole. “Anyway, he runs this stop sign, a fucking stop sign in Manhattan. Chelsea, right? And this car really is following us, right? And I’m telling him to relax.” He was bending down, trying to find an angle to kiss. “It’s the cops. The cops, right? And we have like a case of beer and a 40 of vodka. Marky is freaking out. I tell him I’ll handle it.”

Leave a Reply