Outed Sportscaster Feller Found Dead

“Yeah, I’m as gay as they get.” Nationally syndicated sports journalist Thorton Feller’s recent announcement stunned the sports community. Outed Sportscaster Feller Found DeadUnsure if his word was genuine, many decried his declaration as a publicity stunt for wider readership of his idiosyncratic column Feller’s Beef. Outed Sportscaster Feller Found DeadWhatever the angle, it soon became the only topic on tap, forcing Mr. Feller to protest vehemently. “I’m not a gay sports journalist. I’m just a sports journalist. That’s it.” Outed Sportscaster Feller Found DeadMr. Feller’s ire became particularly inflamed by the most square-jawed of the scrum, Rock Misogyny, shrieking, “But you came out!”

Feller lost his composure, striking with a sharp slap. “We’re all fucking gay!” Outed Sportscaster Feller Found DeadA melee ensued; bats were raised, sticks waved, and Feller was dead.

The scrum laid full blame on a member of the custodial staff, an illegal immigrant it turns out, who hated sports journalists.Outed Sportscaster Feller Found Dead