Laurie Anderson on my plane

Laurie Anderson was on my flight to Los Angeles. 20140313_082016I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what. She looked so sweet and vulnerable. I mean, she was sitting in coach, just like us. I thought about what I would say, and considered offering her my condolences for Lou Reed’s death. But that was just stupid, an excuse to be a sycophant. So I said nothing. I didn’t even smile. 20140313_123728 - CopyStill…I really did want to tell her how much I admire her, her work, her voice, her wit. “I’m a big fan.” Yeah, I would probably say something like that. Our flight was delayed and while we sat waiting for a part, it occurred to me that I could give her my book.

Screenshot (1014)Yes, she might like it. After all, it has a strong female voice and some good cerebral bits on life and loss. But I didn’t have it with me…and it was a stupid idea anyway, another one.

The truth was it was a good thing Laurie Anderson didn’t have to deal with me pitching ideas at her while she was just trying to read, maybe sleep a little before we landed.

And yet…if I told her all of this. What then? Wouldn’t she laugh? Wouldn’t she say, “Oh, okay. Let’s see this book of yours. my bad side. It’s a good title. I like it. I like it a lot.” 20140313_130321 - CopyAnd even since I didn’t do any of this and just watched her walk away at LAX, there is still the chance she will read this blog. I mean, she would only have to search her name and scroll down a few dozens pages or so. And here it is!

And then I know she would smile to herself, look for my contact icon and write something like, “Hello. Let’s talk.”

The F—ing GRE

What’s with this f—ing GRE test?  What do questions that purposely obfuscate the purpose of a text’s text accomplish? Phone 037(That’s a rhetorical question.)

As a writer, can’t I, like Laurie Anderson, just let x=x? Roman_LaurieAnderson(That’s rhetorical too.)

What did I learn from this extended moment of despair, except how to bring the correct identification to a test center, to empty my pockets front and back, to barely decipher a bored moderator’s recitation of the rules like a bad waitress with a bad menu, and to sit in front of an antiquated computer screen for interminable hours to only be confused by the relevance of the results? old-computer-thumb(Is that rhetorical? I no longer know.)