Top Ten Film Disappointments

Life is full of disappointment, people letting you down, letting yourself down. It’s a shame that the place I seek solace from this – film – offers the same:

Toklat (Robert Davison, Sweden, 1971) The first film I ever saw in a theater, and it was awful. Shots of a bear randomly stitched together. Yes, disappointment starts early.

Juggernaut (Richard Lester, UK, 1974) Advertised as an edge-of-your-seat thriller but in reality was all talk and no action. Terrible fare for a 11-year-old.

Sorcerer (William Friedkin, USA, 1977) I have never been more excited for a film, nor more disappointed. The poster was the best part. Southern Comfort (Walter Hill, USA, 1981) A bunch of guys wandering around in a swamp. Sounds existential but not.

Conan The Barbarian (John Milius, USA, 1982) The prototype for why all comic books fail on the screen.

Return of the Jedi (George Lucas, USA, 1983) The only thing worse than an Ewok is a Jar Jar.

Legend (Ridley Scott, USA, 1986) Alien, Blade Runner…and then this?!? Aliens (James Cameron, USA, 1986) How to Ruin a Franchise 101.

The Godfather III (Francis Ford Coppola, USA, 1990) Not as bad as everyone says, but Ms. Coppola is. I also had a guy behind me explaining Godfathers I & II to his girlfriend. Inherent Vice (Paul Thomas Anderson, USA, 2014) The problem with a high bar is that you have to maintain it. (See also Woody Allen, post-2000)

2 thoughts on “Top Ten Film Disappointments

  1. Have Seen:

    Sorcerer? Saw in the theatre and was disappointed, as well. It has come up considerably in my esteem. I expect that you have seen the French “Wages of Fear”? This set me up to go back and check it out. Scheider is solid in an intense, inevitably sweaty kind of way.

    Aliens? Agree. It takes every ounce of effort and ingenuity to kill one of these things in Alien and you can mow ’em down willy-nilly all of a sudden?

    Godfather III? Had to see it. Didn’t expect much, so it kind of exceeded expectations.

    Have Not Seen:

    Toklat? Didn’t see. Bears are nice, though.

    Juggernaut? Didn’t see. Surprising. I used to eat this kind of film up. Why isn’t Robert Shaw in this thing? I am glad that David Hemmings was.

    Jedi? Loved the first two, but never saw this in the theatre. Glad I didn’t. Bad enough on video.

    Conan? Never saw it. The people who said “It’s awesome – you gotta see it!” were folks whose opinions I knew kinda stank.

    Legend? Never saw it, amazingly. It had all the makings of a movie I would see.

    Inherent Vice? Nope. Didn’t see.

  2. Excellent run down, Pendantic! The only good part was getting the trucks over the bridge and even that was half-hearted. “Wages of Fear” isn’t as good as I thought it might be. The set-up has the makings of something interesting but just plods along.

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