I woke early Christmas Eve morning, set on reconciling with an estranged relation with whom I had once had a decent relationship. I composed my email, with a little AI help, at 6:00 am: As Christmas comes, I’ve been thinking about how we haven’t communicated with reflection. I’d really like to leave any past misunderstandings behind us and focus on building something going forward. Even if we don’t understand each other very well, I do wish that we could still reach out to one another, even in the smallest of ways. We live in a difficult age of misinformation and strife, and I look to have thoughtful relationships in my life. It would be nice for that to be something between us. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a happy, peaceful New Year. With hope, McPhedran

His reply was quick: Hi McPhedran; Merry Christmas to you too. From my end, the problem is that you state your opinion to me, and then when I disagree, you dismiss what I have to say as wrong. You say you want to have “thoughtful relationships” in your life, but then you also say that you want to “leave any past misunderstandings behind us”. These two aren’t compatible for me. If you want to move forward with me, then I have to be satisfied with where things were, and come to some kind of agreement.  I don’t feel like you want to do that with me. Just leaving it behind doesn’t work for me. Anyway, have a good Christmas and new year.

There seemed a possibility of moving forward, and so I replied: By leaving things behind, I mean not to dwell on old disagreements. I’m just trying to reach out to find a way to reconnect, nothing more. I hope you feel up to talking again sometime soon. In the meantime, give my love to your family.

The retort came in under an hour: You never admit when you do something annoying/wrong. That makes you hard to deal with. You always say stuff like you are saying now. Do I want to interact more? No. Pass.

I resorted to AI once again to frame a conciliatory reply: I’m open to feedback when it’s constructive, but this message feels more dismissive than helpful. If you don’t want to interact, that’s your choice. I’m available whenever you want to talk.

I thought that might be the end of it, but I was wrong. Yes, that was meant to be dismissive. Not interested in interacting any more.

I attached a voice message in reply: I received your message and I just want to ask that you not be mean in your communications. I don’t deserve that. I understand that we have differences of opinion, and I accept that. But I believe that it is important to be kind and thoughtful to one another. Please avoid the meanness in the future. Thank you.

I listened to your condescending message.  Nice job at accusing me of stuff instead of taking responsibility (again). Still not interested in interacting. I will not be answering any further. UNSUBSCRIBE

We hadn’t even made it to Christmas.