Newton’s Laws of Writing

1. A writer at rest remains at rest and a writer in motion continues to write at a constant velocity until the force of the idea is zero. Meditate2. An idea gives the writer force in the direction of the story arc and has magnitude directly proportional to the novel’s theme. IMAG20673. Whenever a character exerts a force on another character, the latter exerts a force of equal magnitude and opposite direction on the former, effecting tension. Assembled fellows


Myers’ Cursed “Love Guru”

I already knew that Mike Myers’ $60 million vanity project The Love Guru was bad, but having stumbled upon it on late-night cable, I forced myself to watch, because it features the Toronto Maple Leafs. Jessica-in-The-Love-Guru-jessica-alba-6878062-660-439There’s nothing good to note – despite cameos by John Oliver, Daniel Tosh and Stephen Colbert – except that it’s over in 87 minutes.colbertThe film came under attack for its boorish treatment of Hinduism, and while this is certainly true, it’s Myers’ parody of hockey that is most pathetic. Players assaulting coaches, elephants having sex on the ice and a penalty shot with one second to play that decides the Stanley Cup are just some of the insidious details that reduce the game to Myers’ poo-poo and pee-pee one-liners. Not that this really should matter, especially in light of the Mighty Ducks trilogy. d3-the-mighty-ducks-1The difference here is that the Disney Corporation never pretended to know anything about hockey, while Mike Myers is not only Canadian but also considers himself a die-hard fan. Ferguson Myers GilmourFair restitution for this abomination would be a life-long ban for Myers if not from Canada than at least from attending games at the Air Canada Centre. Phone 171Or he could at least pay the buy-out on Mike Komisarek.