You’re Smart. No, You’re Not.

When I was a kid, a group of teachers decided that I should skip Grade Three. Mr. Fleming took me down the hall to his Grade Four class. I didn’t understand what was going on, just that I was suddenly in another grade. There was a writing exercise, maybe a math test too. I don’t remember much about what happened, except that I didn’t spell something right – the word “sheep” keeps coming to mind – or maybe my e’s looked like a’s. I don’t remember. But before the day was over, Mr. Fleming escorted me back. I was in Grade Three after all.

I now do some work as an external grader, which means that I assess student work from schools outside my district. My grading has been considered consistently accurate over the years, so much so that they had recently doubled my work load, including re-assessing those who they thought failed to meet their standards. Recently I was promoted to team leader, an assignment that lasted less than a week when they informed me that my grading was now unacceptable. We’re sorry to inform you that you will not be able to continue your grading. We are sure you will appreciate that our first concern must always be for the integrity of these assessments.

There was no recourse, no means of questioning or challenging the decision. It was my Grade Three/Grade Four experience all over again. I had been exceptional or whatever for a day and then I wasn’t. Institutional gaslighting at its finest.

Sell Out?!? Okay.

Integrity is a catch word in the creative business. Whatever the vision, the aim, no matter what, we know that we must keep our integrity intact. We can’t allow the corporate world to debase and pervert our dreams. We cannot compromise ourselves for money. …unless of course that’s what we want to do.

I had a dream. There was a major science fiction film in the works. It involved eight worlds that were interconnected…that was about all they had. But the budget was big, a mega-monster, and somehow I had an inside track on writing the script. I was suddenly willing to do anything to get it. I offered to just give them my novel My Bad Side immediately, the book I’ve been working on for over four years, the book that defines my vision, and they hadn’t even asked for it. “It’s yours! Take it!” Just like that…just so I could maybe write a draft of this giant sell-out thing.

I woke up doubly disappointed. Mainly it was because I had been so willing to sell out…but more than that, it was the sad fact that there was no such film….which got me to thinking..

“It’s like this. There are eight worlds, and they’re all interconnected…”