Tag Archives: stupid spam mail

Technology Sux

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I have been un-blogged for the past several weeks due to a blockage in my server. I am working with the confines of an academic institution which blocks any suspicious websites, including my very own blog. After several emails and meetings with my well-meaning tech, I was finally advised by my friend Colette to use my phone as a hotspot and take the phone of the school’s server, which I have done. And am released to blogging again.

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I just received an email entitled Bill Payment Reminder #43217 the highlights which I wil share now: Hi. How are you? I know, it’s unpleasant to start the conversation with bad news, but I have no choice. You actually love visiting porn sites and browsing through kinky videos while pleasuring yourself. I could montage several videos showing the way you reach orgasm while masturbating with joy.

It only requires several mouse clicks for me to forward your videos to all your relatives, as well as friends and colleagues. Do not try calling police as well as other security forces. In addition, abstain from sharing this story with your friends. After I find out (be sure, I can easily do that, given that I keep complete control of all your devices), your kinky video will end up being available to public right away.

My only hope is that video of me “masturbating with joy” does indeed make me look happy. That I would like to see.

That Awkward Topic of Self Abuse

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I recently received this email from Jessica Howard:

Your wank was filmed using my application. I’m not going to explain in details how that occurred. I’m going to give you a tip – steer clear of questionable websites. Do not attempt to reach law-enforcement agencies, they will not be able to fix the situation. I am an alien. If you defy these requirements, I’m going to send your disgraceful vid to your buddies and loved ones, screwing up your public image for the rest of your life!

Rhythmic gymnast Jessica Howard

Within 48 h pay me for my silence, and I will destroy all dirty laundry. It’s useless to beseech me. It is not for me to criticize your predilection, even though it’s a sin in any religion.

I clearly don’t know Jessica Howard. Nor to even what she is referring. Perhaps it’s my inconsistent dedication to writing? My lack of focus in this blog? It’s all so confusing. Let me know if you receive this disgraceful vid, and I can go from there.

Bad Job Alerts

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I recently received spam with the following job opportunities “that may interest me”:

Food-Service, Cashier, Usher Positions, AMC Movie Theaters, Brooklyn: All AMC associates must deliver superior customer service while connecting with our guests.

Valet Parking Attendant, American Valet, Brooklyn: American Valet is looking for attendants to park and retrieve guest vehicles, and assist with customers belongings.20150919_154225Call Center Representative – Sales Associate, Verizon, Brooklyn: Must work in a fast-paced call center environment ensuring customer satisfaction and retention.

Wheelchair Attendant, Airport Staffing Inc, Brooklyn: Positions to support our customer service team in 4 to 8 hour shifts.

Sales Associate, UPS Store, Brooklyn: Responsible for delivering world-class customer service as a cashier, a mail room clerk, and answering the phone.

The only job worse than these is working for a spam company like employmentalert.com.

A Superior “Special Processed American Meat” Message

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The punctuation is poor, the message ridiculous, but I do appreciate the details of Mr. Richard’s impressive fortune and tragic demise:

I am James West attorney to late Mr.Richard,who died in a car crash in London with his
family on November 5th 2001.He left behind a deposit of (9.8 million Pounds).poundsYour consent is needed by me to present you as the next of kin to the Bank to inherit his
fortune. Can I trust you on this? You can reach me on Email; and Re-confirm your full
names.