Anori Outtake: Bathroom Prayers

The door led into a hall back into another room like this, another door, another corridor, and then the bathroom. Dee sat in the stall. She had to shit but then couldn’t. It was trapped inside her like everything else. The door squeaked open and someone came in the stall beside her. The protracted silence became funny and she wanted to laugh, but she couldn’t get it out, and her face was getting red. She was scared of an aneurysm; she was pushing that hard. And then she was done. Malcolm’s assistant pulled out three paper towels in quick succession and balled them together. “I’m praying for you.”

“What?”

“I’m praying for you.”

“Why?”

“I’m praying for you to have the strength.”

“You’ll have to stop saying that.”

“I can’t stop praying for you.”

“Prayers have nothing to do with it. It’s the lawyers.”

“Prayers are in my heart.”

“Why would you…? I’ve never heard anything so stupid.”

“I’m praying for you through this difficult time.”

“Jesus Christ!” Dee’s hands cramped around the empty air. “You say that again and I’ll have to punch you!”

“Excuse me?”

“Say that one more time and I will punch you in the jaw. Got it?”

She peered back, her eyes pleading with Dee to find peace and love in everyone’s heart.

Anori Outtake: Qoorog

And then Qoorog was there, coming up the path, along the edge of it, plodding forward, his head down, his hair hanging down, knees up high, one after the other, like he was sleepwalking. IMG_3493The hill was steep and the steam thick. I waited for him. He was a heavy guy, thick jowls and stomach, but he wasn’t out of breath; he didn’t look at her as he approached.

“You smoke?” His voice wasn’t like she imagined; it was normal, like she was talking to someone in the park.

“Yes.” He had a big head, round and impressive, high heavy cheek bones, a wide jaw, a silvery walrus neatly trimmed mustache, large ears and a thick neck; his eyes were bright behind his wire-framed glasses, almost stern. “I don’t.”

“I’ve seen your cat.”

“Yes.” He was already moving past, his walking cadence the same, slow and hard, his feet shooting out ahead and then almost gliding, like a mute spirit-walker supreme.

Anori Outtake: Watching Adults

“I read about you in the newspaper.”

“My life’s a scandal.”

“My mother cried when she saw that story. I remember looking at the picture of your house. It was dark behind the trees. I didn’t understand.”20140914_112241“No.” Dee traced her finger on the swirling lines of the granite. “You didn’t read about that.”

“I remember my mother talking about it at my uncle’s, standing by the fireplace. I was looking into the fire, watching the logs move forward and fall into the ashes.”IMAG2094 “My aunt told everyone about your father crashing his motorcycle, and they were talking about you. These people were all above me, adults talking like they knew things. That was the moment when I knew they didn’t. They knew nothing. They were scared. They just said these things that filled the air, that it was tragic and you were poor girl and there was nothing anyone could have done. And I looked at this fireplace and was suddenly terrified. I had felt like I was safe, that the fireplace meant something, the food on the table, the glasses in their hands, but it meant nothing. Everything was nothing. Nothing was nothing. It wasn’t just a word. It was all I knew.”

Anori Outtake: Music in Antarctica

It was a long wooden walkway running down over the rocks to it, a dull yellow, low clapboard structure with small rectangular window and an unassuming bland metal chimney on the end, the calm water, ice and endless sky spreading out beyond it as far as she could see. That was their home for the next three weeks.my houseHer mother played records from start to finish. Lai wasn’t allowed to just listen to her favorite songs. She had to get there. She had to hear all of the songs on the record, both sides, A and B. Puff was the second last song on Side A. And then This Land is Your Land. I couldn’t stand that song. peterpaulLai watched her mother, sitting there in a hand-knit sweater, a grey and white caribou herd across her chest. She looked old, not just the way she moved, but her face and neck. It was what she imagined for herself, wandering through darkness, not finding the right things, sitting and staring, because there was nothing else to do.

Ice Friday: E. B. White’s “Writing as a Profession”

E.B. White wrote the following on May 11, 1929 in The New Yorker:

“Writing is not an occupation,” writes Sherwood Anderson. “When it comes to an occupation a certain amateur spirit is gone out of it. Who wants to lose that?” Nobody does, replies the semi-pro, sitting here straining at his typewriter. Nobody does, yet few writers have the courage to buy a country newspaper, or even quit a city writing job for anything at all. P1000813What Mr. Anderson says is pretty true. Some of the best writings of writers, it seems to us, were done before they actually thought of themselves as engaged in producing literature. Some of the best humor of humorists was produced before they heard the distant laughter of their multitudes. Probably what Mr. Anderson means, more specifically, is that life is apt to be translated most accurately by a person who sees it break through the mist at unexpected moments – a person who experiences sudden clear images. P1000739A writer, being conscientious, is always straining his eyes for this moment, peering ahead and around; consequently when the moment of revelation comes, his eyes poppy and tired and his sensitized mind has become fogged by the too-frequent half-stimuli of imagined sight. No figure is more pitiful to contemplate than the novelist with a thousand-dollar advance from a publishing house and a date when the manuscript is due. he knows he must invite his soul, but he is compelled to add, “And don’t be late, soul!”

Anori Outtake: Robi on Gambling

They watched Ethan step back from the table, trying to look calm.

“He’s really into it.” Robi’s voice cracked.

“You don’t gamble?” Angelica asked.

“Yeah, I’ve gambled. I’ve lost everything and tried to get more to make it all back.”

“I couldn’t do it.” Angelica sighed. “I just couldn’t lose money like that.” thegambler“I’ve lost money. Shit, it wasn’t that bad. It was just stupid.” Robi sat forward, his cheek lightly against the stucco pillar. “I lost $3500 on Blackjack. I just didn’t know when to go to bed.”

“I don’t get it,” Angelica tilted her head.

“It’s just…you’re there and you believe that you will win. It’s incredibly real. It’s faith.”

“Sounds like boredom to me,” she replied.

Anori Outtake: Eating a Bag of Cookies

“Everyone is exceptional in one thing.”

“Only idiots believe something like that.”

“Yeah, well, I can eat a whole bag of cookies like it was nothing.”chipsahoy “I tell myself it’s going to be just two or three. I eat those and then another. And then the row, the entire row, and I put the bag back. I sit down for like a minute, less than that, and go back and eat another row. It’s half gone then. It seems right to leave it like that. It’s supposed to be just another row because there’s supposed to be another row after that. And there isn’t. I’ve eaten them all.”

 

Anori Outtake: Davis and the Brown Stain

“When I was a kid…” Davis trailed off. “I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and I pulled down my underwear, and saw this brown stain. I didn’t know what to do. I mean, I was six or something, come on. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. And I felt so bad. You have no idea. I didn’t want my mother to see. I pulled them back up. I wanted to wash them out, but I didn’t know how to do that. I changed out of them and went down to the laundry room. I was going to stuff them in the bottom of the laundry basket, and she was there, like this terrible magic. 1950-Ad-Westinghouse-Laundromat-Washing-Machine“‘What are you doing? You have to get ready for bed.’ I froze. I couldn’t even bend my knees. And she saw. She didn’t say anything. Nothing. She just looked at the stain. And then she left. She never said anything. I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to go down for breakfast. I wanted until the last possible minute, hoping she wouldn’t be there. But she was. And still, she said nothing. And I went to school. She wasn’t the same with me after that. Or maybe it was me. She didn’t kiss me goodnight.” He stood up abruptly, looking like he needed to get sober. “Anyone need a drink? I need a drink.”

Ice Friday: William Carlos Williams on Writing

As far as the writing itself is concerned it takes next to no time at all. Much too much is written every day of our lives. We are overwhelmed by it. But when at times we see through the welter of evasive or interested patter, when by chance we penetrate to some moving detail of a life, there is always time to bang out a few pages.IMG_4924The thing isn’t to find the time for it – we waste hours every day doing absolutely nothing at all – the difficulty is to catch the evasive life of the thing, to phrase the words in such a way that stereotype will yield a moment of insight.

Anori Outtake: Developing Morning

The sound came up with the morning’s milky grey light – the birds’ songs like half played wooden flutes, a voice from a far-off radio, talking and then in song, the distant chopping of branches and trees and the imagined first hiss of the fire’s first heat, the whirr of a motor, a car or a generator, the cough of a grandmother, the crying baby needing to be fed, the sporadic confused rooster, starting and stopping again. and then the first chants from the pagoda high on the hill – all of these one. P1000395