My new and improved mode of query

I recently attended a writers workshop on crafting the query letter and was amazed at the amount of feedback on what seemed to me a straightforward thing.

my bad side is the story of a woman defined by a moment she can’t remember. Deirdre,orphaned in her infancy, feels haunted by the death of her mother, she and her toddler sister Crystal trapped with the body for days. She fights against the image as she matures, struggling to find her direction and independence.Dee

“Paint a picture,” one instructor insisted. “It’s just like a movie trailer.”

“So it’s a good idea to include character quotes?” A small voice replied (not me).

“No! Don’t do that! That’s bad.”

Now in her 20s, Deirdre studies to be a veterinarian and works at the Pittsburgh Zoo when she comes to own an abandoned exotic cat, Apollo. Deirdre starts a pilot school program, with Apollo as the main attraction, which, although initially successful, leads to a child being bitten and Deirdre having to flee to New York. She moves in with her sister and attempts to reconnect, but finds her immured in alcoholism with her boyfriend, Derek, a fire fighter who lost his company in 9/11, and thus bonds violently with her around their shared traumas. Deirdre becomes isolated and makes a sudden turn from working with abandoned animals to the escort industry and then performance sex. A shooting forces her to leave the city and embark on a journey with Apollo to the barren landscape of Newfoundland where she is forced to confront her fears and loneliness.Newfoundlabrador2010 064

Requirements include: word count, genre, tone and ‘comps’ or comparable works, preferably films.

This 100,000-word work of literary fiction, a cross between Thelma & Louise and Taxi Driver, begins at the moment of the shooting and follows Deirdre in her journey to the north, using flashbacks as a primary structural element. Deirdre’s beauty and eroticism are central themes as well as her realization that, like her sister, she is not in search of understanding so much as is building barriers against what might be next, believing that she has nowhere to turn except within herself.

thelmaI was confused by the comparative aspect, thinking that using film titles wasn’t appropriate in the literary world. I was wrong. “It’s the story. Tell us the story!”

My writing focuses on thought process – akin to James Jones or Cormac McCarthy – capturing moments in a character’s mind while also giving the reader the latitude to bring their own perceptions to the work.

“Who do you think you are comparing yourself to Cormac McCarthy?” The instructor demanded. “That’s a pretty big name, you know.”

Like George Costanza, I didn’t have a good comeback, and now I wish I had been a little quicker. “This is your chance.” (Or is that as bad as “Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you“?)Screenshot (198)

After completing my degree in Literature and Film, I moved to Paris to write my first novel and have traveled extensively to enable my development as a novelist.  Most recently, I have taken part in several Unterberg Writing Workshops (2005-09) in New York.

I’ve worked through 30 drafts of this thing now. Another 5 and I might be there.

My Twisted Obsession with Disasters

My obsession with disasters started at a young age when I blew up model airplanes and cars. It was never as satisfying as I expected and always ended with a mess to clean up. The films were better: The Poseidon Adventure, Towering Inferno and Earthquake, which had Sensurround Sound; I went to that twice. Earthquake-movieI have lost interest in these films for the most part – Twister, Armageddon, 2012 lack the original flarebut remain fascinated by massive destruction. oklahoma-tornado1I gap and ogle. I exchange messages and express my concern; it happens every time, Oklahoma, New Orleans and Japan. Screenshot (194)When Hurricane Sandy came to New York, I walked the dog to see the storm’s surge in Lower Manhattan. IMAG1253I must admit to a habit of walking away from a place – anywhere, a subway train or building – and then looking back, thinking it might explode, be engulfed in smoke and flame. It hasn’t happened yet, but I keep half expecting it. Is this a side effect to my disaster addiction? What is this dreadful fascination? Do I have a sense of doom, an obsession with the impending end? Or is it just boredom in the modern world?

The Oblivion of Science Fiction

Oblivion epitomizes everything about science fiction that makes the genre frustratingly mediocre at best. oblivion_movie_sky_towerThe biggest problem is the complete lack of originality, beginning with the predictable post-apocalyptic setting first seen in Planet of the Apes – the poor old Statue of Liberty buried yet again;planet of the apesa hodge-podge of futuristic themes, combining The Matrix (machines taking over), Total Recall (memory problems) and Moon (clones running the show); moon_sam_rockwell3the inevitable twist (clones/machines who care) derivative of everything from Terminator to Short Circuit; short circuitand the sickeningly silly ending of the vanquished evil mother-ship, reminiscent of Star Wars and everything since. Cowboys-And-Aliens-570x289While there might be a few decent plot reveals, they always turn to disappointment and the endless parade of effects. In the end, it isn’t anything more than a vehicle for Mr. Cruise. tom-cruise-oblivion-stills-released-02Which leads me to the real question: What’s next? Might he be interested in piloting The Ark?

Obsession II: Terrance Malick’s Images

Terrence Malick is a great filmmaker not because he knows how to tell a good story, but rather how he puts together a stunning set of visuals. Screenshot (96)I have been mildly obsessed with his work over the years, seeing all of his films – Badlands, Days of Heaven, The Thin Red Line, The New World, Tree of Life & In the Wonder – multiple times at various screenings. The Thin Red Line is the most striking piece of his career not only because of the images… Screenshot (80)Screenshot (67)Screenshot (94)but more so the thematic nature of how these visuals are ordered, offering a trail of creatures – man included – from beginning to end, an unnamed narrator speaking in questions and poetry: Who are you who live in so many forms?

Screenshot (69)Screenshot (74)Screenshot (118)Your death encaptures all.Screenshot (117)Screenshot (76)Screenshot (83)Screenshot (86) Where is that we lived together. Who were you that I lived with?Screenshot (114)Screenshot (84)Screenshot (87)Screenshot (89)Darkness and light, strife and love…are they the working of one mind? The features of the same face? Screenshot (90)Screenshot (92)Screenshot (93)Oh my soul, let me be in you now. Look out through my eyes. Look out at the things you made…all things shining. Screenshot (73)I saw the film just last night…and already want to see it again.

Terrence Malick’s “To the Wonder”

To the Wonder is rich with Malickness: floating cameras, imprecise narrative and women, arms out-stretched, racing through fields. Wonder1All of this is easy to love or hate – or love and hate – but in the end misses the essence of what is being offered. It is through the lens of cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki that we experience the wonder of the moving image, not only in nature…Tothewonder5but, more remarkably, in the light and line of suburban life. Tothewonder4These are the images that live in the corners of our collective memory. Tothewonder3It’s the kind of thing that you think you’ve seen before and must see again.

Entropic America: Gun Legislation Shot Down Again

Anti-gun legislation has been shut down on the senate floor. America’s obsession with guns and their right to have as many as possible will be the country’s undoing in the end.

Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

It’s the entropic element of a society that would rather shoot itself in the head than lose the freedom to do so.

Nick Cave Squared

I visited a gallery in Chelsea two years ago and saw a collection of costumes designed by Nick Cave. Phone 091I had no idea that Nick Cave was such a Renaissance Man until that moment. I only knew that he was a singer, something I initially learned from his performance in the 1987 film, Wings of Desirenick-cave-wings-of-desireI listened sporadically to his music over the years after that and saw him on Thursday night at the Beacon Theater where he was most animated, cavorting across the stage, and yelling out the words. 05_Nick-Cave-I was also impressed at his humility. Not once did he mention his other show, Heard, a new art installation on display at Grand Central Station throughout the week. IMAG2502I attended the event the next day and delighted – yes, delighted – as the performers paraded and danced to the drum and harp. (Click the video to see.)Screenshot (40)It really was amazing how different this work was from his music on stage. And then I did a little research and found out that there are in fact two Nick Caves. nick-cave-heard-ny-grand-I then recalled the saying that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Indeed what if I had mixed up Nick Cave with Nick Drake or Nick Cage? nick cageWhat kinds of assumptions would have I made then?

Pussy Riot Spring

Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers is pretty awful, little more than a terrible rap video with loops of meaningless dialogue, sensational imagery and an off-key – even insulting – reference to the imprisoned Russian group Pussy Riot. sb-posterNot that any of this surprises – excepting the purple unicorn balaclavas. What’s remarkable is the critical response. Spring Breakers has been called “the year’s loopiest bit of fun” (Time Out), “positively raging with affect” (New Yorker), and an “outrageously funny party that takes a while to appreciate.” (The New York Times) spring-breakers-1With no characters, dialogue, nor even a narrative, it’s none of the above, but rather a bland statement about the simmering violence in pretty little things, all of it trite and overly done. The only entertaining thing was the drama in the theater – teenagers sneaking in, chased out by ushers – which seemed to approximate the politics of the affair.

Cimino’s “Heaven’s Gate”: The Price of Criticism

What is a critic’s opinion worth? How much money in real dollars? What is a star out of five? What is it per vitriolic word?old men muppetsI understand that these idle gadabouts don’t actually create anything and that they are bitter and dissatisfied because they just, well, criticize, but there’s a number in there somewhere. The recent ballyhoo about Michael Cimino’s work, Heaven’s Gate, has given me pause. Heavens-Gate softWhile the film is much like his masterwork The Deer Hunter in its majestic landscapes, focus on hypnotic ceremony, retributive violence, characters lost in a foreign land, love triangles and touching score, Heaven’s Gate was derided and Cimino vilified.

Dwarfed by the mountains in "The Deer Hunter"

Dwarfed by the mountains in “The Deer Hunter”

Dwarfed by the mountains in "Heaven's Gate".

Dwarfed by the mountains in “Heaven’s Gate”.

The film has been resurrected and re-screened as of late, and now has many on its side including Manohla Dargis in The New York Times, celebrating the “complex choreography and cinematography (as) seductive, at times stunning”, while others stick to the poo-poo trail like Joshua Rothkopf (Time Out New York) calling it, oddly, an “inert disaster”. heavens gate shotThe truth is that it doesn’t matter so much what Joshua and Co. say now. It’s 30 years ago that mattered. I would love to have seen Heaven’s Gate in its initial release in 1980, but I didn’t because the film only lasted a week…due to devastating critical opinion.

I have come to realize that this is not only a frustrating fact, but a crime. Having seen the film just now in the theater, I know that, like The Deer Hunter, it would have been a great boon to my developing psyche. deer walkenAnd so back to my original question: What is a critic’s opinion worth? There’s a dollar figure in there somewhere. Whatever it is, I want my collateral damage.

Buzz at Grand Central Station, New York

I’ve made it. The doors open wide, begging, clean against the wall, red coat, and just like that, everything done, everything as it should, turning and my hand cool. Grand Central woman in redShe knows me. And that’s it, why for her, she forever, our silent descent, breathing, the glass reflecting us together, backward as forward, not words, but what they might, meaning nothing, tucked into our heads upside down, she out the hall, mine, everything mine, not that, but in me, here, me young, friendly, not wanting to stop, never. My eyes are inside my head. I’m going as I should, thinking as I do anything, on this sidewalk, fading, a door closing, in a room, music, and out.* (Click on the photo and links for video clips.) *Excerpt from Buzz (1999)