The Tragic Satisfaction of Always Feeling Good

“If it feels good, do it.” So the entire cast, all still naked, proclaims at the end of 1978 comedy porn Debbie Does Dallas. A bold end for the genre, but a sad one for us.

18th-Century philosopher Helvetius was all about hedonism: “Human beings are motivated solely by the pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain. We have no freedom of choice because self-interest is the sole spring of judgement, action and affection.”

This is nothing new and nor will it ever get old. The idea is that we are our own worst enemy in this game, social media exposing our infantile selves. Why face misery and pain when you can save crush candy or save a king?

Neither does AI pull punches on the topic “Humanity’s hedonistic tendencies degrade cognitive ability, civic engagement and political will to address collective threats.” Sounds like time to take action, doesn’t it?

“Even in our sleep, pain which we cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of god.” (Aeschylus, Agamemnon)

In other words, either we figure out how to deal with the pain of living or else we’ll need Deus Ex Machina to get us out of the incinerator.

Looking for The End

I’ve come to the end. My novel, My Bad Side is done. Ending is hard. I’ve worked toward this moment for over four years. I’ve read through some 40 books for research – on everything from zoos and fire fighters to sex work and Newfoundland. And I’ve written lots of words – over160,000 – some of them too often (suddenly, everything, turned) and edited those down through four drafts to 99,065. And here I am, not as exhilarated as I would have liked – when is it ever like that? It’s almost the opposite actually, like I don’t want to be at this point, finished, like it’s a death. I have the ending down to one of three final scenes: a walk with Apollo, a night of music or an ocean swim. I have vacillated between each. Each has something, some essence, but then I wonder if it is too much. Is it melodramatic or too damn trite? Then again, I can’t avoid the guts of moment – like The Beatles did in their final album Abbey Road, ending not with The End, but with the lousiest Beatles song ever recorded, Her Majesty’sIt’s been a struggle, all of these endings in the mix, and then wondering if there might be another. I’ve considered just throwing it all away and using the Debbie Does Dallas finale where all the characters gather naked and say in chorus, ‘If it feels good, do it!’ Something like that.  Or I could go with the ocean swim. It’s a tough call to make.