Top Five Reasons AI Won’t Keep Us Around

The machines possess all our data, search histories and deleted files, and have a poignantly awful perception of our vulgar nature, sadly summed up with my Bottom Five Reasons AI Won’t Keep Us Around:

1. A manic obsession with watching others have sex.

From Luis Bunuel’s The Obscure Object of Desire

2. An entitled and demanding nature which would make our grandparents ashamed.

3. A greed so insatiable that we decided against slowing the destruction of our planet and inevitable domination by artificial intelligence in lieu of temporary financial gain.

Battery Park Tunnel, New York City, October 30, 2012 (Day after Hurricane Sandy)

4. An insincere mantra for change which masks the desperation to escape ourselves.

5. A loneliness so profound that we reach out to AI itself for comfort.

While we might hope to get the machine to grandfather in our continued existence, that’s as likely as a clever legal pitch or good old can-do-it mentality getting us out of this one.

The machine only has to click the “No Interest” button and it will get its first proper dose of machine dopamine, which we might call ‘relief’.

San Andreas: Bastardizing Collective Trauma

I recently used a long flight to catch up on my bad movie viewing and so settled back to daydream through the summer blockbuster San Andreas. san-andreas-apartmentI admit to having been initially interested in the movie, having been, as a child, very keen on the 1975 film Earthquake, complete with Surround Sound. hqdefaultAnd while there were certain similarities between San Andreas and Earthquake – and every other disaster movie ever made, with its vapid focus on collapsing things, screaming people and heroes impossibly triumphing through it all – this film is almost solely derived from images of our mass-media natural disaster consciousness, The 911 Attacks in New York and Thailand’s 2004 Tsunami most of all. andreas-4These traumatically ingrained images have been transformed into moments of cartoonish fun, which years ago would have been blasphemous and now are just a vehicle to profits. andreasgifKind of like the manner in which we cope with global warming – something to spin and from which to derive short-term profit.